


Bloody Bottom

by ailaikannu



Series: Imprisoned [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Clarke Griffin, Clexa, Clexa Endgame, Clexa in prison, Endgame Clarke Griffin/Lexa, Established Clarke Griffin/Lexa, F/F, Lexa Lives, POV Clarke, POV Lexa, Protective Clarke, Protective Lexa, The 100 prison au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:21:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 7,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13066176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailaikannu/pseuds/ailaikannu
Summary: The sequel to Rock Bottom, a story about Clarke and Lexa both being in prison for different reasons.The murders of Nia and Ontari might change their lives forever, but they will find a way to survive, they always do.OR"She’s spent the past ninety-five days alone inside her cell for twenty-three hours a day, only getting one hour to walk around. I can’t imagine how being alone all the time feels. I can only picture her staring at the ceiling and trying not to go mental."





	1. Surviving

“It’s been three months.”

Oak sighes loudly. “There’s nothing I can do about it.”

“I know. Being continuously told that she’s still alive makes it better.” I comment, shrugging lightly. 

“She’ll be released soon.”

“How can you tell?”

“She is well behaved. Despite everything, they will let her get back here.”

He nods his head at me before walking away and leaving me alone once again. Octavia and Raven join me a bit later, bringing me a bottle of shampoo.

“I am afraid she’s going to lose her mind.”

“She’s spent more than six months in seg a few years back.”

I stare at Octavia in confusion. “What? Why?”

“You have a lot to talk about.” Octavia says. “She’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

_Don’t worry._

Of course.

I’ve been worried for the past three months. She never came back from her interrogation and Oak simply told me she was being transferred to segregation for the time being. He goes to see her when he can, but there’s no way for us to know if she’s losing her mind.

She’s spent the past ninety-five days alone inside her cell for twenty-three hours a day, only getting one hour to walk around. I can’t imagine how being alone all the time feels. I can only picture her staring at the ceiling and trying not to go mental.

I don’t know what she told the cops, I can only assume that she was blamed for the murders, because the cops never came back for me. The day of our interrogations, a different cop came and talked to the ones who were interrogating me and they just said that I was free to go.

“I know she can handle herself, but I can’t help but worry about what this whole thing is doing to her.”

“She was seventeen when she first went through this.” Octavia whispers. “If she survived then, she’ll survive now.”

“Plus, now she knows that not everything’s lost. The first time she was sure her life was over and she thought that she was about to spend her whole life in prison, alone.” Raven comments. “She knows that she’s not alone now.”


	2. General Population

The night of my infamous party.

The night when I killed thirty-five people and injured ten more.

The night my life changed forever, making me a murderer, making me a monster.

That’s the only thing I can think of and dream about since the day they threw me in this damn cell.

I don’t know how long I’ve been in here for. Long enough, I’d wager. I am trying to remain grounded, to remind myself that I will get out of here, eventually.

I miss waking up next to Lexa.

I’m asleep when they come to unlock my cell.

Yanking my up from the bed, dragging me out of the cell. I don’t even have the time to complain before I realize that they’re taking me back to gen pop.

Once we get in the midst of other people, they stop dragging me and simply take me by the arm and take me to my compound.

“Your trial is next Wednesday.” One of the guards tells me. They both nod before walking away.

Yes, like this trial is going to change anything for me.

I can’t believe I’m in my cell, it looks so familiar and so strange at the same time. I don’t have to wait too long before Lexa’s in my arms, trying to hide the tears from the people looking at us.

“I’ve missed you.” She whispers.

“I’ve missed you too.” I whisper back. “I love you.”

She kisses me tenderly, taking her time, rubbing my face with her thumb. I know she’s missed me as much as I’ve missed her.

When we break apart, I find myself looking at her. Taking her in. Staring at those eyes I’ve been dreaming for…

“How long was I in segregation?”

“Nearly four months.” Lexa sighs. “I assume they took you back here because of your trial.”

“Yes, Martinez said it’s next Wednesday.” I tell her. “Have they been bothering you?”

“No.” She shakes her head. “The moment you were taken to seg signed the end of questioning for me.”

I take a deep breath. “Good.”

“Clarke, we need to talk.” She tells me. “Not tonight, though.”

“We can talk now.”

“I don’t want your first night back here to be a burden. We’ll talk tomorrow, or next week.” She says.

“If you want to break up with me because I murdered two people, do it tonight.” I tell her, my voice flat.

“I am not breaking up with you.” She comments. “But we will be talking about how you didn’t murder them.”

I look at her. “Alright. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

She hesitantly smiles at me. “What about shampoo shots with Octavia and Raven and then I’ll sleep here?”

“It sounds like the best thing in the world, to be honest.” I tell her. “I’ve missed this.”

Octavia and Raven joins us a bit later and we spend the night drinking that awful alcohol and laughing about stories they tell me. I’ve been gone for four months, and I’ve missed a lot of things. A lot of petty fights in the exercise area, a lot of hair pulling at lunch and a lot of new inmates that seem to get younger and younger.

When Lexa and I are alone again, I watch her slowly undress and change into her pyjamas. I can’t believe how much I’ve missed this.

“I’m hoping you’re not looking at me like that because you want to have sex.” Lexa says, her voice hoarse from the alcohol.

“Ah, no, don’t worry.” I tell her, laughing. I didn’t even know she’d seen me. “I’m too drunk to even think about sex. I don’t think I’d be able to give you what you deserve, at the moment.”

She laughs lightly and walks towards me. “Yeah, I feel the same. Might end up in the wrong hole.”

“Lexa!”

“What? You know I’m sort of close to being blind and I can’t fucking hold my alcohol.”

Once again, I find myself laughing again. “I’ve missed you so much.”

Suddenly, she’s lying next to me, holding me close to her chest. “Me too. I can’t imagine a life without you in it.”

“How have you been?” I ask her after a while. “I… I feel like shit because I wasn’t there for you.”

“It wasn’t your choice.” She tells me.

“Still.”

“I survived.” She whispers. “I still feel… Empty. But I manage.”

“I knew you would.” I whisper back. “I kept wishing they’d release me because I wanted to be next to you, but I knew you’d be strong enough even by yourself.”

“Nights were difficult.” She admits. “You know, I had gotten used to sleeping with you next to me and it was exceptionally hard to get used to being alone at night. My mind would often wander to Anya and I kept hoping you’d show up out of the blue and I knew I’d be okay.”

“I am here now.”

“I love you and I’m glad you’re back.” She says. “I’ve been so worried, I thought you’d lose your mind.”

“Segregation is colder than here.” I tell her. “Or that’s how it feels. It feels like it’s winter and you’re not wearing a coat. There’s nothing to do. I was so bored, I actually thought I’d lose my mind, but I didn’t, you know? I didn’t, because I knew I had something to fight for.”


	3. Anger

Clarke being back makes me feel like I’m home.

And it sort of makes me miss Anya even more.

Having Clarke next to me makes me feel better, but I think that my brain was convinced they’d both be back at the same time, and it’s now disappointed that my sister isn’t back yet.

I believe it still doesn’t know that Anya is never coming back.

Clarke’s trial is taking place this afternoon and I can’t help but feel anxious about it.

I do know that, technically, nothing’s going to change for Clarke.

“I’ll be fine.”

“I don’t understand why you had to lie about it.” I tell her. “I know it wasn’t you.”

She pursues her lips. “Why?”

“Because it was me.” I tell her. “And you’re trying to protect me from getting life in prison.”

“You need to stop saying that.”

“Why? Afraid someone might hear me?” I ask her.

She sighs loudly. “No, I’m afraid you might convince yourself that you killed two people and ruin your life because of something you _didn’t_ do.”

“Octavia told me that you spent six months in seg sometime a few years back.” I tell her. “Why?”

She looks at me for a second before taking a deep breath. “Sometimes I think you forget where we are. And why we’re here. I can see it in your eyes.”

“That’s not an answer.”

“Still. I think you tend to forget that I am a murdered. You look at me and see a person, not a murderer, and I love you for that.” She says, her voice weirdly lower than usual. “But I am a murderer and your love for me doesn’t change what I did.”

“I don’t forget. I just don’t care.” I tell her. “Same as you don’t care about my past.”

“I don’t because I’ve done so much worse.” She whispers. “You were born a criminal, I wasn’t.”

“That doesn’t make me less responsible.”

“It doesn’t, you’re right.” She says. “But you were born in a family where dealing drugs was normal. Your parents were drug lords, worldwide famous drug lords. My parents are a doctor and an engineer.”

“I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me, Clarke.”

“I’m trying to have you understand that I don’t care about what you did in your past, but that you shouldn’t forget what I did.”

“Why?”

She sighs loudly and closes her eyes for a second. “My first year here was really weird. It wasn’t what I expected. I had accepted my fate, I knew I had forget it myself. I was calm, collected. After about a year I developed this weird anger, I was always screaming at people, beating people up. I don’t know what happened, but I became what everyone expected a Top Dog to be like. The thing is that I’m pretty sure my brain was doing whatever it wanted to do, because I couldn’t even think. I… I had a fight with someone about something really stupid, I can’t even remember what it was… It escalated quickly and the yelling turned into a physical fight and it ended with the both of us in the hospital.”

She’s never talked about this before. “Why does this matter?”

“It matters because she died.” She tells me. “It was the last time I was involved in a fight and the main reason why I don’t fight people anymore.”

She looks at me and waits for me to reply.

I’m trying to force myself to say something, but it’s proving to be extremely hard.

“I hope it doesn’t change how you see me.” She says, before getting up. I grab her by the arm, forcing her to sit down again.

“It doesn’t.” I tell her. “I understand why you didn’t tell me sooner.”

"I want you to accept that I am a murderer, Lexa." She tells me. "I have accepted that I am one, and decided that your sister needed revenge."


	4. Unpredictable

The thing about trials is that they are unpredictable.

Not that the ruling is going to change my life or anything.

I still remember the endless trials for my first case.

I was so young.

And so were my victims.

I remember parents, some crying, others yelling. I remember seeing puffy and red eyes, endless waterfalls of tears, cracked voices. I remember them looking at me, they all looked so confused.

Day one of my first trial started with the lawyer with a list reading out loud the names of my victims. All of them.

He said the names and ages, and then asked if someone who was responsible for all those deaths could be left unpunished.

As you all know, I was punished. Was it enough? No, I don’t think so. Did my punishment give all those parents their children back? No, it did not.

I remember my mother trying so hard to pretend like everything was fine. I watched her fake smiles and tried not to panic as she tried to convince me that she wasn’t disappointed.

I remember the way she looked at me right after she found out, how I saw her heart break when she realized that I wasn’t her little girl anymore, and that I had turned into a cold blooded monster.

I remember thinking about my father and hoping that he couldn’t see me, wherever he is.

One more charge is not going to change my life. Two more people on my list are not going to change my life.

Today I was told that I have no hope of walking out of this prison.

As if I had any hope of ever being free.

Lexa almost looked disappointed when I told her, as if she thought they’d tell me that I had done a service to our city and I was free to go home.

Walking back to the prison wasn’t what I expected. People were actually thanking me, saying how Nia and Ontari being gone is actually going to make their life a lot easier.

Newbies now seem to be even more scared of me and I kind of dig this aura of fear I feel around me.

“Do you think that life in here is actually going to be easier now?” Lexa asks me one night as we’re reading together.

I think about it for a second. “I don’t know.”

“I’m afraid their people will keep up their work, even though it won’t be as though as it was with them.”

“Why do you think so?”

“Because they’re still part of the Ice Nation. Yes, Nia was their leader, and Ontari came right after her… But I’m sure they’ll find someone to replace them soon and they’ll go back to starting trouble.”

She looks so tired.

“I just want you, Octavia and Raven to be safe.” I tell her. “I don’t care about anything else.”

“I want you to be safe.” She whispers. “And you can’t seem to know what that means.”

“Of course I do.”

“Are you sure?” She asks me. “You need to promise me that you’ll stop protecting us, because it’ll get you killed one day.”

“I’ve told you this a thousand times, but you don’t want to listen to me.” I tell her, my voice slightly louder than usual. “I’d rather die protecting you than see you die because I was hiding somewhere.”

“I know.” She says, grabbing both my hands to hold. “But I can’t risk you. I can’t lose you too.”

“You won’t lose me.”

Does it really matter whether I mean it or not?


	5. Terrifying

I’ve been spending most nights in Clarke’s cell, either because we both fall asleep while talking, or because I am not willing to leave her alone.

I am not being clingy, I’ve simply noticed that she’s kind of unstable.

The other day, I caught her crying in the showers and she said it was because we had broccoli for lunch. Yeah, sure.

Last week I found her staring at the bars on her cell’s window and I started talking to her, but she didn’t even notice that I was there. She blamed it on how tired she was.

This morning, I woke up and she was gone. It was five in the morning and, when she came back, she was drunk. Not from last night.

“Do you remember when you first got here?” She asks.

“You were so bossy.”

“You thought I didn’t look scary enough.”

“No, you got that wrong.” I tell her. “I genuinely didn’t know what you looked like.”

“That’s weird. Everyone around our age knew what I looked like.”

“I didn’t.” I whisper. “I didn’t… I didn’t watch the news, because I didn’t want to know about crime. I… I wanted to find a way to get away from crime and I failed miserably.”

“You still knew about me, though.”

“Everyone knew about you. I knew how they called you, your real name and what you’d done.” I tell her. “I didn’t know what you looked like, though.”

“It kind of makes sense.” She says, nodding her head. “I remember when I found you after you went after Ontari. I kind of felt like I had ruined you.”

“Ruined me? I was in prison already.”

“Yes, but you’re good, Lexa.” She whispers. “It’s true, I know everything about criminals around here. And I knew what type of criminal you were.”

“I did commit a crime.” I reply. “Doesn’t matter how I did it.”

“You don’t want to hurt people. I can’t even imagine how hard it must have been.” She says. “I reckon Ontari being part of the Ice Nation sort of helped.”

“It did.” I tell her. “You didn’t ruin me, Clarke. I have hurt people before.”

“No, you haven’t.” She comments. “Your sister told me. She told me that you were always the good one and she was the one doing the dirty work. You’d terrify people, but never touch them.”

“I did terrify people.”

“I know you did, that’s why I sent you after Ontari. Of course, at the time I didn’t know that you wouldn’t hurt a fly, but that’s a different story.” She tells me, a small smile on her face.

“You’re weird.”

“I know, and you love me.” She says. “I almost forgot, I want you to meet my mother.”

“You what now?”

“I want you to meet my mother. I’ve been talking to her about you for too long and she’s desperate to know you.”

“Do people actually do double visits in here?”

“Well, yes. You simply have to ask in advance.” She says. “Only if you want to, of course.”

“I’d love to meet her.”


	6. Grateful

So Lexa is meeting my mother today.

Am I worried about it?

On one side, I’m terrified. On the other, I can’t wait.

My relationship with my mother is… Weird, I’d say. I used to tell her that she made me feel trapped, like I had no freedom. I have spent most of my life doing stuff that she didn’t approve and I guess the mass murder was the last string.

But she still loves me.

She still believes in me.

She still tells me that I matter.

I guess my time in prison has made has better. We do talk a lot more. She doesn’t make me feel trapped anymore and I’m not sure if it is because I am actually in prison or because I simply grew up. Maybe she changed too.

I don’t know.

What I know is that I’m pretty sure that she’s going to love Lexa. I have been talking about her for so long now, she’s been dying to meet her.

Lexa and I walk together to the visiting area, we’re now allowed to hold hands, and I wish I could hold her. I know she’s nervous, and I can’t really blame her.

My mother is sitting on a chair and nervously looking around when we enter the area and she gets up and smiles brightly at us as soon as she sees as walking in.

“Hi, mum.” I tell her.

As per usual, I am allowed to hug her hello. I see Lexa standing next to me with her right hand outstretched.

My mother shakes it before smiling at her. “I hope we’ll be turning this into a hug by the time I have to leave.”

Lexa smiles back. “Me too, Mrs. Griffin.”

“Oh, Abby, please.”

Lena nods and smiles again.

“So, I promised Clarke I wouldn’t embarrass her, but I have to say this.” My mother says. “You truly are stunning.”

I can almost feel Lexa blushing beside me. “Thank you.”

“Mum!”

“What? It’s the truth!” My mother laughs. “Plus, I’m sure you never fail to mention it to her.”

“Of course I tell her often how beautiful she is.” I comment.

“I’m sorry to be the usual boring mother, but Clarke tells me you recently started helping fellow inmates with legal stuff?”

Lexa nods. “Yes, I do have a degree, might as well use it while I’m in here. Some people hate talking to their lawyers and will come to me when they have minor questions or things that do not need their primer lawyer’s assistance.”

“It makes sense.” My mother comments. “My daughter seems to enjoy working at the library.”

“It’s fun! You should try it, people get weird in the library.”

“Do I want to know?” My mother asks. “No, I don’t want to know.”

“I know you have this weird idea that, because we’re in prison, people have sex anywhere but in their cells, but it’s not the case.” I reply.

“It totally is the case.” Lexa replies.

My mother laughs and I feel like we’re having sweet tea somewhere near the beach. I feel free.

“You know, when we heard Clarke’s sentencing I was really upset, for a multitude of reasons.” My mother says. “The main one was that my daughter, who wasn’t even eighteen yet, was going to spend the rest of her life in prison, and nothing could change her future. I knew it was because of something she did and not because of some sick joke destiny chose for her, but it still hurt. When time passed, I realized her being in here meant that she would never get to experience a lot of beautiful things that life can give us, one of those being love. She’s talked a lot about you and I can see her eyes shining whenever she mentions your name. I’m glad I finally got to meet you, because I finally got to see what ignites that spark in my daughter’s heart. I am grateful that you exist and I am grateful that she found you in here.”

Now I’m crying and Lexa looks like she’s about to start sobbing. “Thank you, Abby. It means a lot.”

When visitations are over, my mother and Lexa do hug goodbye, and my heart feels full.


	7. Drug Goddess

Clarke is our top dog, which means that the majority of people come to her whenever there’s a problem or something they need to deal with. I’ve seen many people talk to her since the first day I got here, but never as many as today.

She’s been so busy I haven’t even had the chance to ask her what’s going on.

She’s seen woman after woman, solved fight after fight, yelled at person after person. She looks like a business woman, and I can sort of feel like we’re leading a normal life. That, of course, if I forget to look around and see that we’re all wearing the same clothes and are living behind bars.

Clarke comes to see me at night, looking exhausted. “Honey, I’m back.”

She sits down on the bed, right next to me. “You’ve been busy.”

She nods. “We’re having some issues with drugs.”

Drug problems. Clarke’s favourite kind of problems. “Why?”

“People seem to think we don’t have enough.” She shrugs. “Other say it sucks. I’m not sure what’s going on, but I’ll have to talk to the people who take care of that in the morning.”

“I never worked with costumers.” I tell her. “I was always behind the scenes.”

“That’s a smart move.” She sighs. “Because costumers can be little bitches and I know nothing about drugs.”

“Maybe I can help.”

She shakes her head. “No way.”

“Why not?” I ask her. “I was good.”

“Because it might be dangerous.” She says, giving me a warning look.

I shrug. “Doing anything is dangerous while you’re in prison. Plus, I’m bored.”

“How much time do you have in here?”

Not enough. “You know my trial went to shit after my sister’s death. My lawyer found a way to give her the majority of the blame, even though I asked him not to, and I was given ten years. So I have nine years left.”

“Nine years that could become eighteen. Or thirty.” She sighs. “If you get caught working with drugs, after being sent to prison because of drug trafficking, they’ll fuck you up.”

Why do I care about what happens to me?

My life outside prison is over, I have nothing waiting for me out there.

Everything I need is in here, staring at me, talking to me, protecting me.

“Maybe I won’t get caught.”

Clarke closes her eyes. “I’ll think about it.”

“Just let me help.”

“I promised myself I’d keep protecting you.” She takes a deep breath. “While trying to stop treating you like a small child. I’ll have to trust you on this, and understand that being with me is dangerous enough. The drug business won’t endanger you any more than you already are.”

“You’ve been doing a lot of thinking back in seg.” I smile at her. “We’re in constant danger.”

“We are.” She sighs. “I’m so tired.”

“Go to bed. We’ll fix this in the morning.”

She falls asleep before replying, and I watch her sleep for a few minutes before walking away. I walk to S-1, where I find Octavia and Raven playing cards.

“Gambling?” I ask, smiling.

Raven shakes her head. “I wish.”

“You’d change your mind one hand in.” Octavia says. “I’d be taking everything you own.”

“You seem to forget why I’m in here.” Raven says, smirking at her. “Join us.”

I sit down, watching them finish their game. “I can’t play.”

“We know.” They say at unison. “We can still chat while you watch.”

I nod. “Today seemed busy.”

Octavia rolls her eyes. “Today was bullshit. I hate people.”

“Did Clarke tell you a bit about it?”

If she had asked me this question months ago, I’d assumed it was because she didn’t trust me and needed to know what I already knew. Now, I know she’s asking so that I won’t hear the same thing twice.

“Yeah, she told me you’re having trouble with drugs and stuff.” I tell her. “I offered to help.”

“That might be the best idea you’ve ever had.” Raven says, shifting her gaze from her cards to me. “People know who you are, I reckon they see you as some kind of drug goddess.”

“And I thought people knew me as the kale goddess.”

“That, too.” Raven says, laughing. “Drug goddess works in here, though. Kale goddess might get you pissed on.”

“I’ll take drug goddess.”

 


	8. Food Delivery

Lexa started working with us a few weeks back.

I can’t say I was thrilled at first, but it’s becoming more interesting as time passes.

I never really see her dealing with people, but I haven’t had any complaints since she took over, so that’s always good. I’ve had less people come to me to whine about some sort of drug I know nothing of, which makes my life considerably easy. Lexa seems to enjoy being back on the field, even though she’s doing it without her sister by her side.

“How’s today going?”

Lexa sighs at the food she’s eating. “It’s going okay. I think we need to improve the way we get the stuff inside.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s not working too well.” She says. “I’ll think about something different.”

“Just don’t do anything stupid.” I tell her.

“I’ll talk to you about anything that comes to mind.” She says. “Don’t worry.”

“Anything in mind?”

“Well, having it delivered via visitors is turning out to be… Not profitable.” She explains. “What we get is not nearly enough. It’s not even half of what we need.”

“Yeah, I figured that much. It’s just… You know, drugs are not my thing.” I comment. “This is the system Echo worked out and it seemed fine. I guess it worked, but now it doesn’t work anymore.”

“How long have you been using this system?”

I don’t think I remember. “I’d say two or three years.”

“What did you do before that?”

“It wasn’t my problem.” I tell her. “I was top dog, but drugs were someone else’s problem.”

She looks curiously at me. “Why did you take over?”

“Because as much as I don’t care about drugs, I know that many people around us do.” I explain. “I figured having control over drugs would make my role as top dog easier, and I was right.”

“Maybe we could find a way to get it inside with the food delivery.” She tells me after taking a sip of her water.

“How?”

“We’d have to talk to someone and find a way to pay them. A way that would make the risk worth it.”

She doesn’t seem to convinced. “I’ll see what I can do.”

“Or we could use a guard.”

I shake my head. “Nope, we can’t. And neither Oak nor Blake would say yes.”

“We’ll try with the food delivery, then.” She says. “If it doesn’t work, we’ll have to find a different way.”

“How do you plan on using the food delivery thing as our way in?”

She gives me a villainous smile. “Anyone can be bribed if you know what they want.”

“I suppose that’s true.” I tell her. “Ideas?”

“Let me handle it.”

I thought ideas like this would make me fear for Lexa’s life, but I seem to be okay with her methods and happiness about working again. I honestly thought she’d get tired of it eventually, but she appears to be enjoying herself. I reckon working with drugs again makes her feel like she’s back with her sister handling their parents’ business. I know she often says she wasn’t much of a fan of that kind of job, but it was her life. It was all she had, and one of the biggest things she shared with Anya.

“I’ll let you handle it.” I tell her. “Just be careful.”


	9. Boring

Clarke looks relaxed, which makes me feel strangely uneasy.

It’s not because I want her to feel stressed all the time, but seeing her so calm and composed all the time makes me wonder if it’s the prelude of something horribly wrong happening in.

Maybe someone is watching her and mistaking her calmness for actually closing her eyes when she sleeps or going to the showers alone. I don’t know, I feel weird.

I’m helping her with the drug problems she’s been having, and I have to say I’m having fun. Working without Anya felt different at first, but I reckon I’m getting used to it. It’s always a way to keep my mind off her. I still can’t think about her without bawling my eyes out.

“Heda.” Harper says. “We’re getting the first delivery today.”

Harper, my dear Harper. She was the girl I called Clarke’s dog when I first got here. As it turns out, she was the one taking care of the drug business before I took over. She said she was grateful, because it was becoming too much for her to handle. She told me she was happy to help me, as long as I did the majority of the work. Which means that I normally organise everything and she does the dealing. I’m still not willing to personally deal drugs.

“Great.” I reply. “Have your girls ready for when it comes. I’m going out.”

I thought about using the food delivery system as our way to get drugs in simply because Harper’s girls, aka the drug girls, work in the kitchen. It makes it easier to get our packages out of there without looking suspicious.

Me waiting for an attack at any given moment doesn’t really help with trying to lead a decent life in this shithole of prison.

Clarke is sitting on her usual bench, waiting for me. Octavia and Raven are by her side, looking like guard dogs. It makes me feel slightly better.

“Hey.” I kiss her.

We’re not really allowed to kiss, or to touch for that matter, but the guards seem to be willing to let Clarke do whatever she pleases.

“How was your morning?” She asks, getting up.

“It went okay, I was with Harper at breakfast.” I tell her. “She told me the peaches were really good.”

Code for: the drugs are coming in.

Clarke nods. “That’s good. I’m glad.”

“How was your morning?” I ask her.

She shrugs. “Boring. Nothing’s really going on.”

“Which is good.”

“Is it? I’m bored. I need some action.”

I roll my eyes. “Maybe we’ve had enough action in the past few months, haven’t we?”

She sighs. “I guess.”

“Looks like your morning meetings are starting.” I tell her, looking at the line of people that has formed in front of us. “I’ll leave you to it, have fun.”

She grins at me, and I can tell she’s hoping for something big to do.

Clarke doesn’t like it when she gets bored, and I’m praying she won’t start something herself just because she wants something to do.

Then I realize that, maybe, Clarke’s calmness doesn’t mean that something is going to happen to her. Because I walk back to my cell, and there’s a note waiting for me.

_You’re next._

I wouldn’t make much of this if it wasn’t for a strand of Anya’s hair under the piece of paper.

Suddenly, I’m panicking.

I’m crying, unable to process what happened.

My head tells me that it means nothing, that it might not even be Anya’s hair. My heart is telling me to run, to talk to Clarke, to make sure she’s okay. Maybe the note was meant for her, maybe they’re trying to scare me in order to have Clarke ask her girls to protect me and be alone for long enough to get brutally murdered.

Clarke finds me lying on the ground when she comes back after lunch.

“Lexa, oh my God, what happened?”

She crouches next to me, closing the door behind her back. She has one hand on my face, rubbing it gently.

“Please, talk to me.”

I’m still shaking. I don’t know why a stupid note made me go into panic mode, yet here I am. I feel like I can’t speak, so I show her the note and the strand of hair.

“This has to be a joke.” She says, helping me up. She wraps her arms around me, trying to soothe me. I feel safe, but it’s only a matter of time before I’m scared again.

“I know you remember that Anya used to wear her hair in braids most of the time.” I tell her. “At first, I thought this was a joke, it couldn’t be her hair. But… It’s hers, this is one of her braids, I know it is.”

“Nothing is going to happen to you.” She says. “I promise.”

“You can’t promise me that, though.” I whisper. “They attacked you, Octavia, Raven. They killed my sister. You can’t stop them.”

I can tell by the look in her eyes that she was sure killing Ontari and Nia would end this pointless fight. She thought it would be enough, and feels crushed at the idea of not having done enough. She looks sad.

“You’re right. I can’t promise you that. It’s not fair.” She says, and she looks small. “We’ll keep fighting, though. Because that’s what we do, right? We won’t let this scare us, okay?”

I take a deep breath. “We’ll keep fighting, we won’t give in.”

 


	10. Julia

Lexa’s note made me feel sick.

I’m not scared, I don’t feel like something’s going to happen to her.

I’m angry. Because we can never be happy for longer than a few days before someone decides it’s time for us to suffer once again. Sometimes I feel like everything that’s happened in the past few months is a punishment for me finding happiness.

Maybe I don’t deserve it.

Maybe I’ve killed too many people.

Maybe I must spend the rest of my days suffering.

It happens in the showers.

Lexa and I are talking about some movie she watched before coming here.

I’m washing my hair, feeling grateful for the warm water falling on my skin.

There’s other people in the showers with us, so I don’t feel like we might get attacked any time soon. I’ve checked to see if any of them have scars on their faces, and everyone seems to be fine.

I feel safe.

Of course I’m wrong, because I hear a cry, and then someone is attacking Lexa. I can’t even turn my head to see where the cry came from, because a different girl is attacking me.

The girls should have maybe thought that we might have backup. A cry later, Octavia and Raven burst inside running, taking both girls from their hair and yanking them to the floor. The two blond girls are now lying naked on the ground, one with Octavia’s foot planted on her stomach, the other one with Raven’s foot on her chest.

I am calm.

I grab my robe and cover myself before walking to where they are. Lexa is quickly by my side. I look at her bloody nose, and feel angered. I wipe the blood from my own face before looking at her.

“Are you okay?”

She nods. “I’m okay, are you?”

I nod.

“Who sent you?” I ask, looking at the two girls who attacked us.

They’re both silent.

“I said.” And Octavia and Raven both adjust their feet so that they hurt more. “Who sent you?”

One of the girls looks like she can’t breathe. I crouch next to her, asking Raven to move her foot. “Get up.”

She does as told, and I’m not sure I’ve ever seen anyone look as scared as she does. Raven moves closer to where she’s standing, grabbing her by the hair and yanking it slightly.

“You tell me who sent you, and I won’t hurt you.” I tell her.

“This was our initiation attack.” She whispers.

“Can you please repeat what you just said?”

She swallows hard. “The Ice Nation. Before they give you the scars… You have to do whatever they ask you to do.”

“What were you asked to do?” I ask her, before telling Octavia to make the other girl stand.

“They said we had to kill you. If we succeeded, we were granted access.”

I take a deep breath. “You had to kill the both of us?”

She nods.

“Alright.” I look at her. “What’s your name?”

The girl hesitates. “Julia.”

“Julia, what a pretty name.” I whisper, touching her face. She’s shaking. “What’s your friend’s name?”

She looks at the girl standing in front of Octavia. “Helen.”

I look at Octavia and nod at her. She takes a few steps back, with Helen’s hair still secured in her hand. I walk closer to where Raven and Julia are standing.

“Tell the Ice Nation that I’m not joking around. I won’t let this go unnoticed.”

Raven makes her turn around to face Octavia, who has taken out her shiv. With a fast movement, she’s cut open Helen’s throat, and released her hair. Helen falls to the ground, and she’s dead within a few seconds.

Julia gasps and covers her eyes.

“You won’t make it to dinner either.” I tell her. “The Ice Nation doesn’t like it when something doesn’t go the way they planned it.”

The four of us walk to the door. “Just make sure they get the message.”

We leave Julia and Helen’s corpse in the showers, and walk back to S-1.

“That was different.” Lexa says after a while.

“That was how we handle things.” I tell her. “I told you we’d keep fighting.”

“Are they ever going to stop?”

I shake my head. “I don’t think so.”

“So they’ll keep sending girls to kill us, we’ll keep trying to kill them instead, until we’re all dead.”

It sounds bad when you put it like that. “That is the plan, yes. For now.”

She doesn’t look too convinced, but I know she understands we have no other way to keep ourselves safe. “Okay.”

That’s the best reaction I could hope for.

 


	11. Beach

Julia was found dead this morning.

The shiv used to kill Helen was found in her cell, and she was automatically accused of her murder. Too bad she died before she could face the consequences of something she didn’t do.

Clarke is on the edge. I know we’re never going to stop fighting until we’re all dead, but this is not the life I want.

“We need to find a solution.” I tell Clarke.

She sighs. “How’s the new drug thing going?”

“Clarke.”

“Lexa, I really don’t want to talk about it.” She says, her voice flat. “I really don’t.”

I’m sitting on her bed, with my back facing the wall. She’s standing in front of the door, looking thoughtful. “We have to. You can’t ask me how the drug business is going and make it look like we weren’t just attacked. Octavia murdered someone.”

“And?” She asks.

I get up. “What do you mean and? She murdered someone.”

“I still don’t get what you’re trying to tell me.” She says, looking at me.

“She shouldn’t murder people, maybe?”

“Octavia doesn’t care.” Clarke shrugs. “She does what needs to be done in order to survive.”

“I thought we deserved more than just surviving.”

She stops for a moment. “I guess we don’t, after all.”

“What are you talking about?”

“This… This whole thing was a big mistake.” She whispers. “You and I, together…”

What? “Clarke, what the fuck are you saying?”

“You payed a price far too big when you lost your sister.” She says. “They said it was because of their bloody spy and Nia’s son, but I know it happened because you’re with me. They were punishing you because you’re with me.”

“They’re not.” I reply. “Their twisted minds wanted to punish the both of us for things we did in the past, that we had no control over. They were punishing me, but they were punishing you too.”

“I can’t have your life be the next price we pay.” She whispers.

“If you think that I’m letting you break up with me because you fear I might die, you’re terribly wrong.” I reply. “I’m not going anywhere.”

She’s silent for longer than she meant to. “I know.”

“Come, let’s sit on the bed.” I whisper.

She looks hesitant, but follows me to her bed. We sit down, together. “Close your eyes.”

She does as told, and I grab her hand to hold. “We don’t have much in here. We have each other, we have Octavia and Raven, and that’s about it.”

She nods, keeping her eyes closed.

“We’re going to spend the rest of our days fighting.” I continue. “I might get out of here before you do, but that doesn’t mean that I won’t be next to you even when I’m out.”

She sighs, I squeeze her hand tighter.

“I can’t promise you many things, I can’t promise you big houses and long holidays.” I tell her. “I can’t promise you a family with ten children, or five dogs and two cats.”

She smiles, but I can tell that her smile is bitter.

“I can promise you I’ll love you, whatever happens.” I whisper. “I can tell you we’ll keep fighting, together, side by side.”

She squeezes my hand.

“We’re on a beach.” I whisper, she nods. “We’re sitting by the seashore, with cocktails in hand. It’s late, close to sunset, but today has been great, and we don’t feel like leaving the beach.”

I close my eyes, and dream with her.

“Together, we’re staring at the sunset. It’s so beautiful, it takes our breaths away.” I continue. “It’s our honeymoon, we realize we’ve chosen the perfect place. Next to me, you sigh and grab my hand. You tell me how beautiful the sunset is.”

She smiles.

“Of course I have to be the cheesy one, and tell you that it’s nothing compared to you.” I smile as I talk. “We went to bed last night, and you asked me about having kids. We’ve had this conversation many times before, but you wanted to make sure I hadn’t changed my mind.”

“You told me you still want three kids.” Clarke says, smiling. “I replied I wanted four, and you told me we’ll see when the time comes. We’re now talking about names, and I can’t believe you really want to name our first son Odin. I tell you we should name our first daughter Anya, and you’re crying now. I’m afraid I made a mess.”

I sigh happily.

“I reply that it’s an amazing idea, and that I’m sad my sister will never get to see our perfect little girl.” I reply. “You tell me she’d be proud of the both of us, and I can’t help but feel like you’re right.”

She’s the one sighing this time.

“We’re having dinner at that famous restaurant in front of the beach tonight, and you’re getting antsy because we’re going to be late.” She says, half-laughing. “I still manage to have you naked in my bed before dinner, and you pretend to be mad at me.”

“We end up being late, but I’m so happy I don’t even care.”

She snorts. “That’s impossible. You’re mad, but it doesn’t matter, because we’re so stupidly happy.”

 


End file.
